If you are going through some hard times, than maybe this article is for you. I wrote it for people who are struggling with their life at the moment, and for myself, to remind me what makes me happy.
I have struggled with some tough times over the years and although I haven't seen a psychologist to diagnose me with depression or some other problem, I for sure experienced some moments of intense sadness, loneliness and pain. This is just an account of my own experiences, so they may or may not work for others, but I think it is at least nice to hear someone else's story with these kind of feelings, and know that you are not the only one. Also, for anyone struggling with mental or emotional instability, I highly suggest seeing a psychologist, since they are professionals who study for years the ways to understand and fight depression. They are the ones that can help you best and even if you do not have any problems in your life, a few psychology sessions could help you understand more things about yourself. Again, I am not a psychologist, this is just my own, subjective story.
My struggles started when I finished high-school, about four years ago. At the time, my life went through a lot of changes. I started studying history in college, a passion of mine, but I soon realized that it wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I felt lost, with no future plans, fearing that I will end up in the streets with no job or money. My relation with my family was cold, we were never too close. In the meantime, my friends went to study abroad and we started to lose touch, while also me and my girlfriend broke up. It was a terrible time. I had no friends, no future plans, no nothing.
I didn't quit on college at least, and even though I didn't fit in and couldn't really make any friends there, I enjoyed listening to the courses and reading about history. It was the only thing that at least got me out of the house. Otherwise I would do nothing, literally NOTHING. I would sit in my room, scrolling through my Facebook news feed, feeling even more lonely and lost since every post would be about people spending Christmas together, traveling to some exotic places or having success with their own companies.
My life quickly became extremely monotonous. I woke up, went to college, came back home, scrolled Facebook and watched some Youtube videos and went to bed. That was it. Day by day I became more sad, I wanted to do the same things as the others. I wanted to hang out with friends, I wanted to spend Christmas with someone, I wanted to go to the mountains, sea or camping. I would do all that, and even had a bunch more ideas, I just didn't have anyone with whom to do it. And that was probably the most painful thing. I felt how days, weeks, months of my youth and of my life were passing by me, while I wanted to do so much, but wouldn't do anything because there was nobody in my life to do it with.
Most of these happened during 2014-2015. But that was it. When 2016 started I made one of these "new year, new me" type of promises, where I decided that now I will change something. Although, I didn't really know what I was going to do. So I tried whatever I could think of.
First of all I decided that I needed friends. I started going out in different social contexts, like going out with my class, volunteering to plant trees (because environmental issues were one of the few things I cared about) etc. And the result? Awkwardness! Not your everyday, small awkward silence between two friends that are too tired to think of the next topic. No, I mean like real awkwardness. At this point I haven't really talked to anyone for almost 2 years, except for some small talks related to college projects/homework or strangers asking me for random stuff (i.e. the time, a lighter, some money, whatever it was). I would hang out with people, I would even plan ahead different conversation scenarios, but whenever I was faced with the real thing my mind would just go blank. Needless to say, I wasn't invited out too many times after that.
That was bad. I said I was going to make a difference, and I did. I found the courage to ask people to go out with them, but it turned out that I couldn't find anything to talk about with anyone (no, getting drunk didn't work, I tried it a few times).
I came to terms with the fact that I couldn't really interact to people, but I decided not to quit on my New Year's Resolution. I decided to do everything that I felt like doing, even if it meant doing that by myself. At the time, it was starting to get warm outside and I felt like traveling. That is exactly what I did. And I traveled quite a bit.
I was a student, with no job, only with a few savings, but I wanted to make the most of that. At first I went on some long hikes around my city (I love long walks, so I went walking 10-20-30 km outside my city, choosing some nice sights nearby that I never visited). Then I went camping (yes, by myself. It was scary, but also worth doing). My money was running out so I started to hitchhike around, from city to city, and even outside my country, which was crazy! Hitchhiking was actually such a good hobby for me, it completely grabbed me from my comfort zone and threw me out into the wild reality. I had to talk to people, A LOT, whether I liked it or not. It was hard at first, but knowing that all these people know nothing about me or my failures in social interactions, and the fact that I will most likely never see them again, made it somewhat easier. I would talk to people to ask for directions, ask them to take a photo of me and some random sight, or just random chatting along the car-rides. For some reason, it was much easier to talk to people in this kind of context, although I was still clumsy (and still am).
I like getting out of my comfort zone. It was hard, but I felt that it was really helping me. So I decided to take it one step further. I signed up for workaway.org (a platform for volunteering world-wide) and applied as a volunteer in another country (a neighboring country, but it was still really crazy for me). I'm not going to go through the details of my 10 days as a volunteer in an animal shelter, but I can definitely say it was a unique experience and I came back with a lot of stories. Nonetheless, I had the same problem of not being able to talk that well with the people after the first day or two. It seemed that I could not have any relationship with a human being that would last more than that.
So I got back home. Winter was coming, and it was getting colder and colder. I took a break from traveling because of the weather. Again, I gave another shot to building new friendships in my city, but it didn't work. I soon found myself in the same spot as before. Lonely, sad and with my monotonous days passing by. I didn't know what else to try. And then, one night, I just had this impulse to do something I had been doing in high-school, but stopped doing ever since: writing.
I started to write again. Sometimes thoughts, sometimes short stories, sometimes working on a small novel. And boy, did that help! No, not because I would put my miserable life on paper. But It was the feeling of having something done, all by myself, and reading it again the next day. It wasn't Shakespeare for sure, but it was mine, and for that it made me proud. It was such a pleasant feeling.
I tried out different types of art: drawing, playing guitar, walking though my neighborhood and taking photos of insects/plants/sunsets. It was so fulfilling.
Of course the bad times didn't suddenly disappear, but I want to end this on a high note. Since then I haven't made much progress in my social life, but my attitude has become a lot more positive. Again this was just my story, different things work for different people. I am not telling you to take a tent and go camping in the forest by yourself, or hitchhike and go in any stranger's car. These are usually great activities, but can also be dangerous, so you should do a lot of research beforehand and see the risk of these adventures.
More than that, my conclusion doesn't even imply these kind of things. While traveling and getting out of my comfort zone in these extreme ways was fun and a great way of getting to know myself better, I found that some of my best moments are the ones when I sit in my chair, with a paper, a pen and a nice cup of tea. It doesn't mean that I won't travel or try to make friends, I will for sure do that, since humans do need an active social life. But I think this is a great place to start, for anyone who is feeling down, feels lost or maybe even struggling with depression (nonetheless, you should still talk to a psychologist). A great source of our sorrow is that we rely our happiness on people, events or other things that are out of our control. Once we start looking for happiness within, our perspective on life changes. Not only does this bring a feeling of contentment, but a positive attitude will for sure help with the other aspects of our life as well.
Now, what are you waiting for? Turn off your laptop, and put your next hour or two into something bigger than any adventure. Write down that weird dream you had, that impossible scenario that you imagined while day-dreaming earlier or something completely new. Your brain is already filled with fascinating ideas and stories. Just analyze your thoughts and put them on paper!
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